His Amish Choice Page 13

  Once Eli was inside, he took up the lead lines and slapped them against Billie’s back. The buggy jerked forward as the horse took off at a slow trot out of the parking lot. While the little girls jabbered about their activities to their father, the adults were quiet. From the stiff shoulders of the two men sitting in front, Lizzie could feel the tension in the air like a thick fog. She understood Daed’s motives for keeping Eli’s letters from her, but she didn’t understand why he was offish toward Eli now. Unless Daed was like Marva Geingerich and feared Eli might leave again...and try to take Lizzie with him. He’d already asked Lizzie about it, so that must be the problem. But it wasn’t becoming of Daed to be so judgmental.

  The ride home seemed to take much longer than usual. By the time they arrived, all the adults seemed to be in a sour mood. The children, picking up on the tension but not understanding it, seemed anxious and confused, bewildered as to why the happy occasion of their father coming home wasn’t being treated with more joy.

  Without a word, Lizzie hurried up the front steps to hold the house’s door open for Eli. Since she wasn’t strong enough, Daed had no option but to let the other man help him inside. The night before, Eli had been kind enough to move Daed’s bed downstairs to the living room. Lizzie figured her father wouldn’t be able to negotiate the stairs. Having him close at hand would make it easier to see to his needs too.

  “I can remove your shoe so you can lie down,” Annie offered as Eli deposited her father on the narrow bed.

  Jeremiah sat straight as a board. “I don’t want my shoe removed. I should be outside working.”

  Showing her sternest frown, Lizzie placed her hands on her hips and shook her head. “There will be no working or putting weight on your injured leg for several more weeks. The doctor said if you don’t want to walk with a limp, you’ll let the bones heal.”

  “Ja, and I’ll take care of the farm work,” Eli said.

  Jeremiah glanced at the younger man. “What work have you already done?”

  Eli stood in front of Jeremiah, holding his hat in his hands. While Lizzie helped her sisters doff their coats and gloves, Eli recounted a few of the things he’d done, including mending the fence, shoeing the horses and a myriad of other chores.

  “And don’t forget baling and putting away the hay,” Lizzie said as she hung their coats in the closet. She headed toward the kitchen, wanting to be alone for some reason. With her sisters here to mind their father, she decided to start lunch.

  “Humph,” came her father’s surly reply. “I’m glad you’ve been of use then. I guess you didn’t forget how to bale a field during all that time you were living among the Englisch.”

  Again, Lizzie was surprised by the extent of her father’s poor manners.

  “Ne, sir. I remember very well how to plow and bale and I’m glad I could help you out,” Eli replied.

  Lizzie caught the teasing quality in Eli’s voice. She’d never seen a man work as hard as he had worked for them. No doubt he was feeling amused by Jeremiah’s skepticism. And that made her want to defend him to her father and she didn’t understand why. Yes, she was grateful to Eli. His presence on the farm had brought her a lot of comfort. Because of him, her burdens had been eased but... Oh, she didn’t know what to think anymore. Eli didn’t love her anymore and all her crazy feelings would lead to nothing.

  * * *

  Whew! After getting the third degree from Jeremiah, Eli was glad to escape the house. Lizzie would call him for the noon meal soon, but he thought going hungry might be better than facing her father again. The man obviously didn’t like him and Eli understood why. As teenagers, he and Lizzie had been inseparable. Everyone expected them to marry. But then, he’d left and Jeremiah had hidden his letters from Lizzie. No doubt the man feared, then and now, that Eli might contaminate her with his Englisch ideas.

  Opening the barn door, Eli stepped inside, relieved to be alone. He wanted to feel angry at Jeremiah, but he couldn’t. Losing Shannon had taught him a patience he didn’t quite understand. He only knew that everyone was a child of Gott. Everyone made mistakes. But he deeply believed in the power of the Atonement and forgiveness. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have come home. And frankly, he was tired of being angry.

  “Eli?”

  He whirled around and found Lizzie standing just inside the doorway. Sunlight glimmered behind her, highlighting several strands of golden hair that had escaped her prayer bonnet. Her forehead was furrowed with concern. Wearing her winter cape, her porcelain cheeks had a rosy hue, as if they’d been kissed by the cold air. And for just a moment, he thought about taking her into his arms and kissing her. And that thought confused him. He still loved Shannon, didn’t he? How could he be thinking about Lizzie when his fiancée had so recently died?

  “I brought you something to eat,” she said.

  For the first time, he noticed that she held a tray covered by a white dish towel.

  She came forward and set the tray on a wooden bench. Stepping back, she smoothed her cape, looking suddenly shy.

  “I figured you wouldn’t want to eat in the house today. My vadder isn’t in a very gut mood,” she said.

  How insightful of her, but he didn’t say so. “Danke.”

  Now! Now he should tell her about the job offer in Denver. He’d been pondering the letter he’d received from Tom Caldwell for days now, but still had found no answers. He was alone with Lizzie and it was a perfect moment to seek her advice.

  “Are you all right?” she asked, her expression earnest.

  “Sure. I’m fine.” He smiled, hoping to alleviate her fears. It occurred to him that he hadn’t seen her smile all day. She must have a lot on her mind too and he wished he could do even more to alleviate her load. He remembered how close they’d been as teenagers and a part of him wished they could share that closeness again.

  She poked a clump of hay with the tip of her shoe. “I...I’m sure Daed will feel better tomorrow.”

  He lifted his head. “He’s upset because I’m here. I’ve been living among the Englisch and he thinks I might corrupt you.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “He doesn’t think that at all.”

  “Doesn’t he?” he challenged.

  She ducked her head, a mingling of acceptance and dismay in her eyes. “Ach, maybe a little bit. I’ll speak to him.”

  “Ne, let it go. I knew when I returned that I’d have to prove myself again.”

  She met his eyes. “Can you blame him for not trusting you? You ran away. You’ve been gone a long time.”

  “Ja, you’re right. I can’t blame anyone for being upset with me. In fact, you might be even more disappointed when you hear that I’ve received a job offer in Denver.”

  There. He’d finally told her. He reached inside his hat and pulled out Tom Caldwell’s letter. Handing it to her, he waited patiently while she read it through. Twice. Then, she folded the pages, put them inside the envelope and handed it back to him. The only betrayal of her apparent calm was that her hand visibly trembled.

  “So you’re definitely going to leave again,” she said. It was a statement, not a question.

  “I haven’t decided yet.”

  She folded her arms, as if she were cold. Since she was wearing her cape and the barn was quite warm, he doubted that.

  “But you must be seriously considering accepting the offer or you wouldn’t have shown me the letter,” she said.

  She was upset. He knew it instinctively. He could tell by the way her spine stiffened and she lifted her chin slightly higher in the air. Given the circumstances, he couldn’t blame her.

  “Ja, my logic tells me the work in Denver would give me more opportunities than staying here. But I love my life here too. I love the farm work, I love my familye and I love...”

  He shook his head, wondering what he was about to say. He wasn’t sure. A muddle of thoughts filled his
mind. He was still missing Shannon more than he could say, but she was gone. Now, he was here with Lizzie.

  “What about your faith?” she asked.

  He nodded and placed a hand over his chest. “Ja, I still have it here in my heart.”

  She quirked one eyebrow at him. “Do you? When you go back to Denver, how can you live your faith when you are apart from your familye and never join us at church? Just like a bright coal that is pulled away from the flames of a fire, you would eventually lose the warmth of your faith.”

  He caught a tone of reservation in her voice. But deep inside, he believed in Gott. His faith was all that had carried him through after Shannon had passed away. Before he could say so, Lizzie quoted an old Amish saying.

  “If you must doubt, then doubt your doubts, not your beliefs,” she said.

  He heard the conviction in her voice, but no judgment. Her face looked passive, her voice so composed...just another one of her good qualities. Except when they had played volleyball or baseball, he couldn’t remember hearing her raise her voice. And he wasn’t sure why he’d told her about the offer or what else he expected her to say. Of course she wouldn’t want him to leave. Her faith was strong and she believed families should stay together.

  “You always were so straightforward and sensible,” he said.

  “Is that wrong? What else do you want me to say?” she asked.

  He hung his head. “I don’t know. On the one hand, I wish you’d tell me it’s okay to live among the Englisch. That I’m still a gut man and acceptable to the Lord if I return to Denver. But a part of me also wishes you’d yell and scream at me and tell me that you want me to stay here with my familye and...”

  You.

  Now where had that thought come from? He wasn’t sure.

  “Ach, of course I want you to stay here. We are your people. You belong here. There, I’ve said it. But it didn’t make you feel any better, did it?”

  No, it didn’t. And he realized the problem wasn’t with his faith, his familye, or his work as a paramedic. The problem was with him. He loved both worlds, but hadn’t accepted himself so that he could decide where he wanted to be. Where he truly felt he belonged and where the Lord wanted him to live.

  “You...you won’t mention this to my mudder or vadder or anyone else, will you? It would only upset them,” he said.

  A deep, wrenching sadness filled her eyes and he thought for a moment that she was going to cry. “Ne, I won’t tell a soul. But, Eli, keeping it a secret will only delay the inevitable. What do you want? Where do you want to be? Unfortunately, you can’t choose both lives.”

  He couldn’t answer. He honestly didn’t know.

  “I wish you felt a firm conviction of who you are and where you ought to be. Because once you know that deep inside, there will be no turning back and you will feel a deep, abiding joy and confidence in your life. I’ll pray that you find that peace very soon.”

  She turned and left as quietly as she had come. He stared after her for a very long time, pondering her words. Wishing he could know for a certainty where he belonged. But no answers came.

  Chapter Eleven

  “I don’t want to do it. I tell you, I don’t need to exercise.”

  Eli heard the irritable words as he entered the back door to the kitchen and set a pail of milk on the table. Morning sunbeams glinted off the snow-covered fields and sprayed a ray of light through the window over the stainless steel sink. The little girls’ happy voices carried from upstairs. Apparently they didn’t have school today so the teacher could attend some meetings.

  Across the countertops and table, a variety of large and small plastic bowls, brown bottles, powders, spatulas and long wooden molds covered with freezer paper had been set out in an orderly fashion. Eli recognized the molds as the same type his mother used to make soap and he figured that was Lizzie’s planned work for the day. But she wasn’t in here now.

  “Leave me alone, I say.” Jeremiah’s unmistakable curt voice came from the living area.

  “But, Daed, the doctor said you must do these exercises twice each day so you can regain your strength.” Lizzie’s pleading explanation was filled with frustration.

  Knowing that Jeremiah didn’t want him around, Eli turned toward the door. Like a coward, he planned to flee to the barn.

  “And I’m not buying dumbbells either. I’ve lived my whole life without lifting weights. It’s a bunch of foolishness, if you ask me.”

  “But, Daed, you’ve been in bed for weeks already. You need to move your muscles.”

  Eli paused at the back door, his hand on the knob. No, he was not going to interfere. This wasn’t his business. He should leave them alone and return to his chores.

  “Daed...please.”

  That did it. Turning, Eli walked into the living room. He had taken a couple of classes on physical therapy and understood the process. He could help, if Jeremiah and Lizzie would let him. If there was any way he could help ease Lizzie’s frustration, he had to try.

  Jeremiah was sitting upright on the bed, his legs extended on top of the covers with his casted leg cradled by two pillows. Except for his missing hat and bare feet, the man was fully dressed for the day. A breakfast tray, basin of water, toothbrush and shaving implements rested on the coffee table nearby, along with a towel and comb. Eli couldn’t help thinking Lizzie was taking good care of her father.

  Clearing his voice, he stepped near. “Can I help?”

  Lizzie whirled around and the papers she was holding fluttered to the wood floor. Eli saw that they were covered with pictures, showing how to correctly perform a number of simple exercises.

  “Eli! Guder mariye,” she said as she quickly gathered up the pages.

  He nodded respectfully, noticing her ruffled expression. “Guder mariye.”

  “What do you want?” Jeremiah looked away, as if dismissing him.

  Since Eli had dealt with obstinate patients before, he didn’t feel intimidated one bit. And knowing how hard Lizzie was trying to help her father, Eli decided to be blunt.

  “I want to offer my services.”

  Jeremiah glared. “What are you talking about? You’re already running my farm.”

  Resigning himself to being patient, Eli smiled tolerantly. “That’s not what I mean. I’m trained and have worked with physical therapy patients before.”

  “You...you have?” Lizzie said, her eyes filled with startled wonder.

  He nodded. “Ja, when I was trying to decide what field I wanted to go into, I took some extra classes. I thought perhaps I could help your vadder with his exercises.”

  “I don’t need to exercise, nor do I need your help,” Jeremiah replied, his tone a low rumble.

  Hmm. Maybe Eli should try a different approach.

  “Of course you need to exercise. As Lizzie pointed out, it’ll strengthen your body. Without it, your muscles will atrophy from lack of use. Once you’re able to get up and walk again, you won’t be able to do the work. You’ll be weak and winded. And then I’ll have to stay here on your farm even longer.”

  Ah! That did the trick. Jeremiah’s eyes widened and he stared at Eli with open shock.

  Eli hated to use such tactics, but knew it was the only way to get through to Jeremiah. It couldn’t be easy for a hardworking man like Jeremiah to sit around idle all day, dependent on the help of a man he didn’t even like to keep the farm running. Up until the accident, he had led a vital, busy, self-sufficient life. No wonder he was so irritable.

  Releasing a cantankerous sigh, Jeremiah pursed his lips together. “Ach, all right. Let’s get on with it then.”

  Lizzie smiled and threw an expression of gratitude in Eli’s direction. In her eyes, he could see that she understood what he’d just done. Reverse psychology, of sorts. But if it got Jeremiah to cooperate, then it was worth the effort.

 
“Do you have some unopened soup cans that weigh about one pound each?” Eli asked Lizzie.

  “Ja, in the cupboard.” Without asking what they were for, she hurried into the kitchen and soon returned with two cans of soup. She handed them to Eli, then stepped back.

  Jeremiah eyed the cans with a belligerent scowl. “What are you gonna do with those?”

  “Since you don’t have any one- or two-pound dumbbells, you can lift cans of soup to exercise your arms. It’s cheaper and just as effective...unless you’re already too weak to lift them,” Eli added, trying to needle Jeremiah into doing the exercises.

  “Humph! Of course I can do it,” Jeremiah said.

  Eli thought he heard a muffled laugh coming from Lizzie, but didn’t look her way. Jeremiah murmured something about looking silly lifting soup cans that Eli chose to ignore.

  “Can you do this?” Eli proceeded to clasp a can in each hand and do several biceps curls. Then he handed the cans over to Jeremiah.

  Conscious of Lizzie watching with interest, Eli waited as Jeremiah did the curls.

  “That is gut, but what about doing it this way?” Taking the cans, Eli showed Jeremiah a variation of curls that would exercise different muscles in his neck, shoulders, arms and back.

  “Ja, I can do all of them.” Jeremiah took the cans and mimicked Eli in perfect fashion.

  “That is very gut. But slow down just a bit and concentrate on working your muscles. Feel your movements and make them worth the effort,” Eli encouraged.

  Jeremiah did as asked and Eli counted out two sets of eight repetitions before they switched to a different exercise.

  “I heard your doctor tell Lizzie that he wants you to aim for full weight bearing on your leg within three weeks. In order to do that, you should exercise your good leg too,” Eli said.

  He didn’t want to confess that, while Lizzie was helping Jeremiah pack for his trip home, Eli had spoken with Dr. McGann out in the reception room at the hospital. Eli hadn’t expected to help Jeremiah with his exercises, but he was naturally curious and so he’d educated himself on what the man needed to do.